Lonely

It seems that the only time I feel like writing on here is when I'm feeling lonely. I wish it wasn't that way, but since I don't like to talk about my feelings to the people in my life ( I don't like people all up in my shit. My head is a mess all the time, no one else needs to be subjected to that.) this is just somewhere for me to let it out.

Whenever I have my eye on a guy (or two) I get stuck in this rut. I seem to notice more PDA in the halls at school than usual, and it kills me. People sharing little kisses before going off to class, people holding hands walking to wherever, etc. Knowing that I've never had that. Knowing that now I'm considered "weird" because I'm a senior and have hardly ever been kissed. Even if someone was interested in me, how would I explain that?

I think part of my problem is that just like every other schmuck out there I'm always interested in the cute, charming guy. My current two options are.. frustrating to say the least.

Option #1: Zachary.
He's adorable, extremely nice, talkative, outgoing, generally liked by everyone. Blonde hair (excellent flow :D), chocolate brown eyes, athletic.
My chances are low. If we're being honest, they're next to non-existent. Not only could he date just about anyone he wanted, but he's in love (I'm not kidding. I talk to him all the time in my anatomy class, he sits behind me) with this girl who is just playing him. (And the other 5 guys who are interested in her)(I actually really, really, really don't like her. And I would like to know what they see in her, because she is not that pretty, and isn't a nice person.) He makes me wish I were more of a dreamer, and I want to be around him all the time. It's rediculous.

Option #2: Brett.
Brett is.. well, in any case he is cute. But can we say emotionally fucked? With him it's like the "I want to save you" syndrome. (I know, I know, that's a terrible idea) I don't know though. He can read me so easily, he just looks me in the eye and it's like he knows. On the other hand he's kind of a serial dater, and doesn't have the best reputation amongst the ladies. It's a situation where I would have to be an idiot to date him. Is that why I want to?

Option #3: Jake.
Jake is strong, well muscled, blue eyed, generally gorgeous. Here are the issues.
He's 21 and probably not actually interested in girls who are still in highschool, he really wants into my best friend's pants, and is totally hung up on his ex. He's charismatic, warm, and smells SO good.

I hate this. When I'm interested in people, I feel more lonely than ever. I don't know. I never know. All I really know is that none of them is actually an option. But that's kind of my curse... I only go for basically unavailable men. Weird subconscious desire to fail in this due to fear? Possibly. Maybe probably.

I'm going to have to meditate about this.

Two more things:
I want a cat.

I wish George Harrison was still alive.