True Story

I am an only child.
Even typing those words is like writing my life story.
I am an only child.
As many times as I type those words, they always mean the same thing.
I am an only child.
I am destined to be alone.
That is what being an only child is, for me.
But how melodramatic is that?

This may be the most honest post I could ever write, because this is the one thing that plagues me day and night.
I am alone, and sometimes I'm convinced that no one outside of my parents will ever love me.
Watching movies about people with siblings makes me cry (for example Little Women, My Sister's Keeper, etc.), but not because of the sad event, but because they make me think about how I will never ever have that relationship with anyone. You can't recreate the feeling of having a sibling. No friend you will ever have is going to be forced to stay with you through anything like a sibling. Friends come and go, a sibling is your blood, and families don't fall apart quite the way friendships can.
Watching movies like The Notebook, and P.S. I Love You make most people cry. But not for the same reasons they make me cry. When I watch P.S. I Love You, I can't imagine ever having someone love me so much that they would leave me messages after they were gone. I can't imagine someone even liking me enough for them to know me that well. The Notebook reminds me of my first kiss. I was in South Carolina, it was on the beach, at night. I didn't know him, we met that night. He asked me if I wanted to go somewhere, I turned him down because I wasn't sure of his intentions and I wasn't planning on having sex on the beach. (uncomfortable?) Now I wish almost every day that I would have gone with him. I kick myself for it all the time. That was my first kiss. That was two years ago, I was 16 (old, I know). Two years later, my first kiss is also my last kiss. How pathetic am I? The Notebook is set in South Carolina, yes, but the big thing is that I never saw him again because I was leaving the next day to come back home to Michigan, the same as Allie had to go home as well.

My biggest wish in life is that some day, some way, I will find someone who loves me, even with my imperfections.
That doesn't stop me from crying some nights because I'm sure I never will.
In my head, I'm so much more dramatic that I am outwardly, but it's so much easier to express to the faceless internet.